How God Ministered to me Through Secondary Infertility by Becky Wade

By Becky Wade 

            Secondary infertility.  It's a strange term, in a way.  Secondary infertility?  The pairing of those two words brings to mind questions like, 'What does that mean, exactly?'  'How can a person be infertile if she's already had a child or children?'  'Why would anyone who's already had a child worry about fertility?  They're so blessed!'

            Here's google's definition of secondary infertility: "Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children."  Did you know that estimates suggest that as many as three million women here in the U.S. have secondary fertility problems? 

            I went through a three year season of secondary infertility from 2005-2008.  Of the six women in the playgroup that I joined when my oldest was a baby, three of us -- half! -- dealt with this issue.  Two of the women tried fertility treatments and IVF but were never able to have a second child.  Their experience, and my own, has given me a soft heart toward women who are dealing with or have dealt with this issue.

            In the case of my husband and me, God sent our first baby (a daughter) and our second baby (a son) to us with astonishing speed and ease.  We were extremely fortunate with our family of four, but as time passed I sensed that God had one more child out there for our family.  I even sensed that this child would be a girl.  

            So off we went, praying and waiting on a third.  I hoped that things would go as smoothly for us, pregnancy-wise, as they'd gone the first two times.

            Instead, right off the bat, I had a miscarriage.  Any of you who've experienced miscarriage know how sad it is.  Of all the words I can think of to give miscarriage, 'sad' is the shortest but also the most apt.   

            Months and months of infertility followed.  Another miscarriage. 

            What had once come easily to me -- having babies -- had turned mystifyingly difficult.        

            Across that time in my life, God never took away my desire for a third baby.  Nor did he send a baby.  When you talk to people facing uncertainty, they often say that the 'not knowing' is difficult to bear.  It is!  I had a three year bout of 'not knowing.'  I didn't  know what the outcome would be.  I didn't know how long the journey might last or how much more disappointment we'd have to face.

            Here's what I remember most about that season....

            God was with me.  In my worst moments of fear and sorrow, God's presense was the nearest and the sweetest that it's perhaps ever been in my entire life.  Those walking through trials have VIP access to the throne of God.   

            God provided strength.  In Luke 22:42, shortly before the cruxifiction, Jesus prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours."  Then, immediately afterward, in the very next verse, "An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him."  When we're finally able to surrender our future into His hands, God comes (regardless of whether things go the way we want them to or not) and He strengthens. 

            God had a plan.  We can trust that our God redeems our suffering for a greater good.  Amen? Secondary infertility matured me, humbled me, grew my relationship with Him.  Through it, He showed me that His suffiency is more than a match for my insufficiency.  That His ways are better than my ways.  And that His peace trumps my anxieties.

            In April of 2009, I gave birth to a baby girl, thanks only to Him.  Our little #3.  If you could see her today, you'd see a sprite with fly-away hair and endless songs.  She is sunny, creative, social, and hilarious.  She's a joy to us.

            I'm well aware that God could have chosen a different outcome for our family.  He could have decided never to give us another biological child.  He could have led us to adoption.  Or down many other avenues.  If He had, He still would have been sovereign.  His will still would have been paramount to my own.  To Him would still be the glory.

            It's my prayer today, for those of us walking through valleys and for those of us standing on mountain tops and for those of us somewhere in between, that God would give us fresh assurance that He is with us, that He provides strength, and that He has a plan. 

            Many thanks to Carrie, Noela, and Diana for inviting me to visit Overcoming With God!  It's an honor to be here. 

CFP: We're thrilled to have you here, and we have TWO reviews up this week of your new novel!!! Thanks for sharing your story. After reading your story, I realize how amazing it is that God gave us our son almost 13 years after our daughter and we got pregnant in under a year despite me being in my early 40's! I'd become so frustrated and gave up, thinking Do must not be going to keep His promise to me of my boy, but when I did that--I was already pregnant, PTL!  So thrilled you were blessed with your additional children (super bonus--they are SO cute!!!)

GIVEAWAY: We're giving away TWO copies of Becky's newest book this week! There will be three posts and the two winners will be drawn from all three posts' comments so leave a comment here. You can comment on each post to have three entries! Visit Becky at www.BeckyWade.com!