When We can't "Fix" an Alcoholic Parent - Interview With Cindy Kelley

Author Cindy Kelley

Cindy Kelley, welcome to Overcoming With God.  We appreciate your willingness to share your testimony of overcoming with our readers. 

Would you tell us about the most difficult thing in your life you have had to overcome, with God’s help? Answer: 

I was young, recently engaged and working as a church secretary for three wonderful ministers, the year the bottom of my dad’s world fell out from under him. For a long time, he’d had a tenuous hold on life through alcohol and it became apparent to everyone who knew him, that year he lost his grip completely. My parents had divorced when I was eleven-years-old and both ended up remarrying wonderful people. I lived with my mom and step-dad, who did all the normal ‘dad’ things: taught me to drive, intimidated my dates, policed my outfits – waited up for me to make sure I got home safe and sound on Saturday nights. My visits with my dad and step-mom (who lived in another state) consisted of a couple weeks at Christmas and a summer visit.  My younger brother and I always had fun when we went to see them - shopping trips and dinners out.  They had a swimming pool and that was always a treat. So, it came as a total shock when my mom called me at work one day and told me my dad and step-mom were divorcing –and my dad was not taking it well. I remember the word “suicidal” being used. My dad was so despondent he’d called my mom to have her deliver the news to us.  I told my mom she must be wrong –I’d never even seen them argue.  My mom said there was no mistake. It seemed my dad’s drinking had escalated to an all time high and to make matters worse, he was taking an anti-depressant. The combination made him unbearably hard to be around. I remember having the selfish thought: I’m in the middle of planning my wedding! How can they do this now?  I asked my mom what I should do and she told me what she always said when I didn’t have an answer to a problem. “You should pray for him –pray for both of them.”

My dad moved from out of state to the town where I lived. His depression was epic –and so was his drinking. He’d lost his job, his home, his wife –and his self-respect was so far gone his only solace was in alcohol.  But I just knew I could ‘fix him’.  If I were upbeat enough, attentive enough, supportive enough, he turn his life around and be the man he was meant to be. I felt so bad for him and when he started asking me for money, of course I gave it to him. When I found out he was buying liquor with it, I started taking him to the grocery store instead of giving him cash. When he was sick, he called me. When he was nearly incoherent from drinking, he called me. Every time the phone rang and I heard his voice, my stomach would clench. But still, every time he needed me I’d be there to help pick up the pieces of whatever disaster had happened. I prayed continually for him to get better. To have the courage to fight his battle with alcohol. I prayed for God to change him. I prayed for God to let me save him. One day at work, the senior pastor I worked for gently told me I wasn’t saving my dad – I was enabling him to continue his destructive behavior. I couldn’t believe he was actually telling me to let my dad hit bottom. I thought it was so mean. Even with all his terrible behavior, he was still my father –I couldn’t just abandon him. He told me to pray about it – and really listen to what God was saying to me.  On the heels of that conversation, my dad called again to tell me he needed to borrow my car. I told him he couldn’t. He’d lost his license to a DUI.  He argued, cursed, called me names –told me I didn’t love him enough to trust him. It was a low point –and some small part of me finally admitted the pastor might be right. I was making things worse by constantly ‘helping’ my dad.  I wandered into the empty church sanctuary and poured out my heart to God –and then I sat still and listened. I heard God tell me it wasn’t my responsibility to fix my dad –or make him happy.  I couldn’t save my dad –but He could. I clearly heard Him say I created your earthly father and I love him. Respect him, encourage him when he is doing right –but turn the burden of your worry over to me. Really truly give it up and trust me. It was a turning point for me and even though it was hard to change my enabling ways, that answer to my prayer helped me overcome my belief that my dad’s alcoholism was a problem riding squarely on my shoulders.

CFP: So glad your pastor gave you such good advice. We cannot save the addict--we can only pray for them and turn it over to God. I'm so sorry your father put you and the rest of the family through this. But I know the Lord had to have used this in your work, in the stories you tell. 

What passages in the Bible have been most helpful to you in those times?

Proverbs 3, 5 & 6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
In all ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

The Silent Gift 

Disability friendliness: Is this latest release available in audio format or do you have any other works available on audio?  Do your e-books have audio capability? Do you have any in large print? 

Finding Mercy, our latest release, is available as an e book, paperback, and will be available in large print, January of 2015.  Traces of Mercy, the first book in the series is available in all the formats already mentioned.  The Silent Gift, the first novel I co-authored with Michael Landon, Jr is available as an e book, hardcover large print, audio, CD, abridged audiobook CD.

In this latest work, do you have any topics useful for bibliotherapy, or therapeutic influence 
through reading about a disorder or situation? 

In Finding Mercy, the sequel to Traces of Mercy, our protagonist has amnesia. She has a crisis of her own identity and has to learn to form opinions on present experiences rather than on her past. She learns that lying leads to disastrous consequences and begins a long journey of asking for forgiveness for things she can’t even remember doing.

CFP: I have a story with a little of this going on, too, so I can't wait to read the book. Am praying it will come out in audiobook, too.

Bio:

Cindy Kelley began her career as a screenwriter. Her first produced screenplay, The Velveteen Rabbit, inspired by the children’s classic of the same name, and directed by Michael Landon, Jr, had a theatrical release. Following that, she began a writing partnership with Landon. Together, they have written several of the popular Love Comes Softly movies that are favorites on the Hallmark Channel. Her novels, also co-written with Landon, include The Silent Gift, Traces of Mercy and their latest release, Finding Mercy.  Cindy has been married to her high school sweetheart, Jim, for thirty-seven years. They make their home in southern Arizona, have three children, three grandchildren and four, very spoiled dogs.

You can find her on Facebook under Cindy Kelley, author and on Twitter @cindyakelley.

Giveaway: Choose any of Cindy's releases with Michael Landon, Jr.

Question you’d like to ask readers:

What do you enjoy reading the most…historical Christian fiction or contemporary Christian fiction?

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