10 November 2013

Melissa Jagear's Interview - Overcoming Infertility and Miscarriage


Author Melissa Jagears

Melissa Jagears is the author of A Bride for Keeps and of Love by the Letter, a free novella prequel to the Unexpected Bride series.

Melissa Jagears, welcome to Overcoming With God.  We appreciate your willingness to share your testimony of overcoming with our readers. 

Would you tell us about the most difficult thing in your life you have had to overcome, with God’s help?
Though I write romance, I’m not the most emotionally driven woman in the world, so I’m quite the trooper though life’s ups and downs. But the most difficult thing I’ve ever dealt with is unexplained infertility and multiple miscarriages. Especially miscarriage number two. My husband was very worried he’d come home to find that I’d killed myself. I would have denied that I was clinically depressed at the time, but looking back, I certainly was. (The biggest tip-off should have been when I started coloring my Barbie coloring page with hot pink hair and green skin and terribly mismatched clothes because I couldn’t stand to make my coloring pretty any more—and yes, I still color!)

I did finally get pregnant almost two years later, but if I hadn’t, I don’t know how far my depression would have gone. I can only hope that at some point my husband would have pointed it out at a time I was willing to listen. That pregnancy, I believe, was God’s gift to get me through. That baby became my daughter, and though my next miscarriage was a much more advanced pregnancy it wasn’t near as difficult to get through, partially because I had a child to live for, but more, I believe, because we now belonged to a caring church in our new state of residence.

I cannot say how much a good church family does for your spiritual well-being. I’m pretty sure I didn’t spiral back into depression because I had so many people praying for me who truly cared. God’s body in action! But it took two years of searching to find that church, so if you’ve given up on finding a good church to get involved with, keep looking, they could literally pull you through some of the worst times of your life.

What is your favorite bible verse and why?
I’m not a person that has a favorite anything, I can’t pick a favorite book, song, color….so I’ll pick the verse that’s plastered on the front flap of my Bible: 2 Corinthians 5:20
We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.
But what exactly is an ambassador? When I read this thorough definition on Stand to Reason’s website, (I love Stand to Reason, by the way!) I printed it off and glued it in my Bible. Every time I engage with the world, I try to keep my role as an ambassador in mind.

Disability friendliness: Is this latest release available in audio format or do you have any other works available on audio?  Do your e-books have audio capability? Do you have any in large print?  
Of course the kindle versions can be made Large Print. An audiobook will be available in late February, 2014.

What has been the most important thing you hope your readers will get from your books and why?
I always tend to write characters who feel they are unworthy of being loved. I struggle with that myself, especially when I realize that God chose to love us though we are miserable sinners and continues to love us though we are so achingly slow at becoming Christ-like. And if I wonder why He would bother to love me, I also wonder why anyone else should. So, I like my characters to go through that journey. I want my readers to find hope, that though they aren’t perfect, they should be thankful for and enjoy the love they receive without reservations and free themselves to love back—I’m not sure I’m there myself, so I’m preaching to me.

As you've researched your stories, did you learn anything that particularly touched your heart?
Well, this book started when I heard a story about a man who waited for a mail-order bride to arrive, but she married on the trip over, so he ordered another one, and it happened again, then he had the guts to order another one! And all I could think of was how brave this man was to not give up. How would it feel to be rejected twice in the same way and turn right back around and try again? What made him desperate enough? So I started researching mail-order bride stories and some of those marriages turned out amazing…..but many more turned out terribly. The bravery of these men and women marrying strangers (back when marriage vows were not taken as lightly as they are now) and living with the consequences was just inspiring.

In your novel, do you have any topics useful for bibliotherapy, or therapeutic influence through reading about a disorder or situation?  
Feeling guilty for sins that are not yours to bear, fear of abandonment.

Thank you Melissa Jagears for agreeing to answer these questions.  Have a blessed day and keep on writing!!


Giveaway: We'll be giving away winner's choice of format for the book (ebook only to international winner.)  Also a gently used paperback copy to another winner this week.

***Please remember to leave your email address for contact purposes!***

28 comments:

  1. This sounds like a great book and loved the author interview! a_stonecipher@yahoo.com

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  2. Always great to have another venue of authors to read! Thanks!
    mandn@wisper-wireless.com

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  3. I have really been looking forward to Melisss's novel. I really enjoyed her novella.
    Having never been married or had children I can't imagine the pain of that loss.

    Pattymh2000(at)Yahoo(dot)com

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  4. Dearest Melissa, thank you for sharing with us. I have 7 living children but have miscarried 8 times to date. My oldest is 30 and my youngest is 6 this coming Jan. My last miscarriage was this past year and another year before that I miscarried.
    Three of the miscarriages I had were between Hope 10 and Daniel 6. I decided to use natural progesterone cream when I learned I was pregnant for Daniel and no spotting , no problems. I also took all my shaklee supplements. I call him my shaklee baby ! I use their products and Emerita Pro-Gest NP cream. I am 49 and I learned this year that I have had a severe Vit D deficiency and it has made me tired, weak, bone pain and weakness and recurrent infections , which probably caused me to miscarry the last two times. Any one can use the cream to balance hormones and to maintain pregnancy if you have a luteal phase defect, meaning you don't have a luteal phase long enough to produce enough progesterone to carry babies longer then 3rd trimester. One has to use it every morning and every night during pregnancy, forgetting can lead to miscarriage. Praying for you Sister ! I was just reading about A Bride for Keeps this morning and would love to win, read and review your book... Much love comes your way. I can feel your pain and I know the depression. Keep looking to Christ.
    Blessings
    Linda Finn
    Faithful Acres Books
    http://www.faithfulacresbooks.wordpress.com
    faithfulacresbooks@gmail.com

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    1. Carrie, thank you for sharing Melissa with us.... Awesome Post....

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    2. Linda, yes, progesterone was part of our solution, we had the doctor prescribe a much greater percentage, but I still had threatened miscarriages with every one of my babies, but definitely a part of what helped us. And what a spread of ages! My mother's family was a family of large sibling counts, she was one of 10, an aunt had 21. I think my mom and her oldest sister were not as far apart in age as yours though. Love big families!

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  5. Hi, MELISSA! Thanks so much for being with us this week on OWG! I'm really looking forward to it!

    Thank you for sharing with us about your battle with miscarriages; I've had 3 and I didn't have ANY church support at the time. It was as though to them it just didn't happen. But God made that all up to me, by healing my broken heart with a very special spiritual dream of my unborn babes. He is faithful!

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    1. Yes, I definitely had some people in my life that treated it as if nothing important happened, it fit their belief system, so I can't exactly fault them, but it was definitely not helpful, that third loss with the supportive church helped me ever so much.

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  6. I feel your pain in dealing with miscarriages. I had one and since was never able to have children.

    Please enter me in the drawing to win a copy of your book. Gently used copy is perfectly fine for me. ;)

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    1. So sorry, Cindi. A very tough thing indeed, I read a book called When the Cradle is Empty after my second one that dealt with the possibility that I might never have children and it was tough to go through that thought process. But it was also helpful because "everyone" says "it'll happen" when there's a real possibility it won't. For me the book helped by making me come to grips with that possibility because I think it helped validate that there was indeed something to be very very sad about.

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  7. Oops, I forgot to leave my email addy. cindialtman(at)gmail(dot)com

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  8. I have a very dear friend who has had a number of miscarriages - no children. She feels it keenly.

    marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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    1. Prior to my first living child it was ever so hard, especially once I had to come to grips with I might never have them. I'm always careful about saying the wrong things to people when they are grieving something I've never experienced because of how insensitive even those wanting to help can be when you're going through a tough time. Just being there and letting them vent and cry with no unasked for advice is, I think, the best way to support.

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  9. It is really hard when one wants children and can't have them. I know there is a good chance I can't, even before taking into account family history (miscarriages on one side, dangerous pregnancies in need of bed rest on the other), and everyone keeps waiting for The News, which doesn't make it any easier - so I keep praying that God grants children in His timing, and safely. He managed for Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Manoah's wife, Hannah, and Elizabeth, who were all definitively barren, and half of them had more than one child; there's only one example in the bible of completely depriving any woman of children, and that was Michal. So really, the odds are in our favor, especially with God on our side.

    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing!

    rdalquis(at)css(dot)edu

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    1. Rachael, we worried I couldn't either but we have two children, PTL! Praying for you!

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    2. Rachael, oh yes, those waiting for The News is a tough, tough thing. Especially when they start giving you advice as if you haven't looked up that stuff already! Prayers for you.

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  10. I agree on having a church home that loves and prays. We spent Memorial Day weekend with our son and he died the following Friday in the night of a heart attack, 2011. Our church family upheld us in prayer that Sunday when our pastor asked us to come forward after service and for those to come and surround us and pray. So healing and God heard their prayers. I have joy in the memories of my firstborn and only son. God is so good to us. He loves us so greatly.
    I would like to have my very own print copy of your new book. Blessings, Melissa. Thank you for your testimony of God's care and provision. He loves us as if we were the only one. Kathleen ~ Lane Hill House lanehillhouse[at]centurylink[dot]net

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    1. A good church is such a good, good thing for life's up and downs and sometimes complete devastation. So glad you had a supportive church in your time of need.

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  11. Thank you for this interview CARRIE and MELISSA, and thank you so much Melissa for sharing from your heart about your infertility and miscarriages. I experienced depression when it took me about 2 years to fall pregnant, but then went on to have 3 beautiful children for which I'm so thankful for. Praise the Lord for your child and the church and people that supported you!
    I'm looking forward to reading your books Melissa, I already have Love by the Letter on my Kindle eagerly awaiting me! :)

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    1. Seems we have a similar story, Noela. I am so very thankful for my children and that we're still at this same church. They are a great blessing in so many ways. If we had to move, I would miss this church more than anything else I'd leave behind.

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  12. CARRIE thank you for inviting MELISSA to be with us this week. MELISSA thank you for sharing with us, it saddens my heart to know you had to go through so much. I am thankful to the Lord that I had two healthy sons with no problems, except my youngest was born 3.5 weeks early. I enjoyed reading A Bride For Keeps, it really touched my heart. :)

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    1. Teresa, thanks for the kind words about my book. I'm so happy that you got to enjoy the blessing of healthy children and easy pregnancies!

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  13. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us today, Melissa! I have had two miscarriages and I agree with you - having one daughter already is what got me thru them - living for her. I now have 4 wonderful blessings! I am so happy you have a wonderful church family and hubby to be there for you. We had a very wonderful sermon yesterday morning about this - our preacher and his wife just miscarried - and it was humbling and touching to see him share with us. We will keep you in our prayers. :)
    lattebooks at hotmail dot com

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    1. Sounds like a great preacher being transparent like that. Thanks for dropping in, Susan.

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  14. I personally have never had a miscarriage. I do deal with depression and had postpartum depression. Sometimes it is difficult to acknowledge we have that problem. So glad you made it through the darkness
    Martha
    josieringer(at)gmail(dot)com

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  15. I sure would love to win Melissa's book. Thanks for giving me a chance. Love this site so much OWG.
    Maxie mac262(at)me(dot)com

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