Earlier
this year, my oldest child left for college. She was eighteen, fresh out of
high school, and ready to start a new adventure.
I
knew it was coming. I had eighteen years to plan for it. Nevertheless, when she
left I experienced Empty Nest Syndrome—the grief, lack a purpose, or depression
parents can experience when a young-adult child leaves the house for the first
time. While a child growing up and going to school or starting work is a
normal, healthy thing, sometimes letting them go can be painful on Mom and Dad.
Empty Nest Syndrome is not a clinical condition, but it’s common enough to be
recognized by its name and experienced at some degree or another by many
parents.
I
should clarify here that my nest was not exactly empty. I still have one at
home. Nevertheless, I missed my daughter’s presence in the house, her
companionship and insights. I wondered how she would do, if she’d be safe or
sad.
But
stronger than those feelings, I wanted her to grow. To learn more about who God
made her to be. To meet new people and make new friends, hopefully the ones
that last a lifetime. To gain independence.
As
hard as it can be to be the Mama Bird and watch our babies leave, I knew beyond
the horizon God had something magnificent in store for my child. Living in the
nest is a good thing, for a time. It’s intended for our safety, our growth, our
nurture. But we can’t stay there. No matter our ages, we are all more the
people God created us to be when we stretch the wings He gave us and fly.
And
sure enough, one school year later, she has grown in independence, confidence,
and happiness. She has made true friends. She’s learned things about herself,
tried new things, and her relationship with God has deepened.
I’ve
done all right, too.
Here
are a few things I did to cope:
Talk to God.
He
loves our children more than we do. I asked Him to care for my daughter and
told Him all about my fears, hopes, and feelings.
Go ahead and grieve.
Take
a little time to allow yourself to be sad. It’s normal and appropriate to miss
a member of your family who is no longer living under the same roof!
Seek Support—but Don’t
Compare.
Friends—especially
ones who’ve been through what you’re going through—can be a strong source of
comfort and encouragement. Take advantage of it and allow people to love you.
However, it’s important for our sakes’ and our children’s sakes that we don’t
compare our experiences in a way that could be harmful. Not every child is
ready to go away to school at the same age, if at all, and no two families
share the exact same dynamics.
Take advantage of
technology.
Back
when I was in college, long distance phone calls cost money, so chats with my
family were scheduled things. Now, we can text any time. I’m so glad my
daughter can reach me whenever she wishes to, and that I can see her face on
FaceTime or Skype! What a huge difference this makes! We also send each other
photos of funny things and keep up on social media. I love how we can stay
connected this way.
Go Old School.
We
may be able to chat over our cell phones any time, but I still send regular old
snail mail from time to time. It’s a huge boost to get something in the mail,
so we try to fill her postal box now and then! Letters, gift cards for coffee
or a movie, and care packages are always welcome. I’ve also ordered her a shirt
or two from her favorite retailer and had it shipped to her.
Pursue New (and Old)
Interests.
Find
something that gives you LIFE, and then do it! Pursue a new (or forgotten)
hobby. Try something different. Cook something you like but your child was
never crazy about. Be positive and keep moving!
Bio:
Susanne Dietze began writing love stories in high school,
casting her friends in the starring roles. Today, she's the award-winning
author of over a dozen historical romances who's seen her work on the ECPA and
Publisher's Weekly Bestseller Lists for Inspirational Fiction. Married to a
pastor and the mom of two, Susanne lives in California and enjoys
fancy-schmancy tea parties, genealogy, the beach, and curling up on the couch
with a costume drama and a plate of nachos.
Facebook.com/SusanneDietzeBooks
Twitter:
@Susanne Dietze
Susie has TWO brand-new releases out: a novella is Seven Brides for Seven Mail-Order Cowboys (June, 2017 from Barbour) AND a novel
My
Heart Belongs in Ruby City, Idaho: Rebecca’s Plight
Here's the blurb from Rebecca's Plight: Is
it possible to marry the wrong man? Rebecca Rice was looking forward to a quiet
life and a full stomach by becoming mail-order bride to her shopkeeper intended,
Mr. Fordham—until the justice of the peace calls him Thaddeus, not Theodore,
proceeded by the title Deputy. Rebecca would never marry a lawman like her
father, so an annulment seems in order—and fast, since Rebecca’s true intended
is impatient to claim her as his own. But when the legalities take longer than
expected, Rebecca wonders if Tad Fordham wasn't the right husband for her
all along....
at B&N
Susie also has a novella in Seven Brides for Seven Mail-Order Husbands, releasing this week on June 1st!
Purchase links:
Seven Brides for Seven
Mail-Order Husbands (Barbour Publishing, June 2017) Barnes & Noble
Giveaway: We're giving away a copy of choice of either of Susie's new releases! Leave a comment on this post.