03 May 2015

How God Ministered to me Through Secondary Infertility by Becky Wade


By Becky Wade 

            Secondary infertility.  It's a strange term, in a way.  Secondary infertility?  The pairing of those two words brings to mind questions like, 'What does that mean, exactly?'  'How can a person be infertile if she's already had a child or children?'  'Why would anyone who's already had a child worry about fertility?  They're so blessed!'
            Here's google's definition of secondary infertility: "Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children."  Did you know that estimates suggest that as many as three million women here in the U.S. have secondary fertility problems? 
            I went through a three year season of secondary infertility from 2005-2008.  Of the six women in the playgroup that I joined when my oldest was a baby, three of us -- half! -- dealt with this issue.  Two of the women tried fertility treatments and IVF but were never able to have a second child.  Their experience, and my own, has given me a soft heart toward women who are dealing with or have dealt with this issue.
            In the case of my husband and me, God sent our first baby (a daughter) and our second baby (a son) to us with astonishing speed and ease.  We were extremely fortunate with our family of four, but as time passed I sensed that God had one more child out there for our family.  I even sensed that this child would be a girl.  
            So off we went, praying and waiting on a third.  I hoped that things would go as smoothly for us, pregnancy-wise, as they'd gone the first two times.
            Instead, right off the bat, I had a miscarriage.  Any of you who've experienced miscarriage know how sad it is.  Of all the words I can think of to give miscarriage, 'sad' is the shortest but also the most apt.   
            Months and months of infertility followed.  Another miscarriage. 
            What had once come easily to me -- having babies -- had turned mystifyingly difficult.        
            Across that time in my life, God never took away my desire for a third baby.  Nor did he send a baby.  When you talk to people facing uncertainty, they often say that the 'not knowing' is difficult to bear.  It is!  I had a three year bout of 'not knowing.'  I didn't  know what the outcome would be.  I didn't know how long the journey might last or how much more disappointment we'd have to face.
            Here's what I remember most about that season....
            God was with me.  In my worst moments of fear and sorrow, God's presense was the nearest and the sweetest that it's perhaps ever been in my entire life.  Those walking through trials have VIP access to the throne of God.   
            God provided strength.  In Luke 22:42, shortly before the cruxifiction, Jesus prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours."  Then, immediately afterward, in the very next verse, "An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him."  When we're finally able to surrender our future into His hands, God comes (regardless of whether things go the way we want them to or not) and He strengthens. 
            God had a plan.  We can trust that our God redeems our suffering for a greater good.  Amen? Secondary infertility matured me, humbled me, grew my relationship with Him.  Through it, He showed me that His suffiency is more than a match for my insufficiency.  That His ways are better than my ways.  And that His peace trumps my anxieties.

            In April of 2009, I gave birth to a baby girl, thanks only to Him.  Our little #3.  If you could see her today, you'd see a sprite with fly-away hair and endless songs.  She is sunny, creative, social, and hilarious.  She's a joy to us.
            I'm well aware that God could have chosen a different outcome for our family.  He could have decided never to give us another biological child.  He could have led us to adoption.  Or down many other avenues.  If He had, He still would have been sovereign.  His will still would have been paramount to my own.  To Him would still be the glory.
            It's my prayer today, for those of us walking through valleys and for those of us standing on mountain tops and for those of us somewhere in between, that God would give us fresh assurance that He is with us, that He provides strength, and that He has a plan. 


            Many thanks to Carrie, Noela, and Diana for inviting me to visit Overcoming With God!  It's an honor to be here. 





CFP: We're thrilled to have you here, and we have TWO reviews up this week of your new novel!!! Thanks for sharing your story. After reading your story, I realize how amazing it is that God gave us our son almost 13 years after our daughter and we got pregnant in under a year despite me being in my early 40's! I'd become so frustrated and gave up, thinking Do must not be going to keep His promise to me of my boy, but when I did that--I was already pregnant, PTL!  So thrilled you were blessed with your additional children (super bonus--they are SO cute!!!)

GIVEAWAY: We're giving away TWO copies of Becky's newest book this week! There will be three posts and the two winners will be drawn from all three posts' comments so leave a comment here. You can comment on each post to have three entries! Visit Becky at www.BeckyWade.com!


29 comments:

  1. Thank you for being with us this week, BECKY! What a powerful testimony! I also was diagnosed with secondary infertility. Tests were done six years after I had my daughter and the drs. said my tubes had so much scar tissue from my previous C-section, I wouldn't be able to conceive. I remember crying out to God in the dressing room after my exam. All I wanted was a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. 6 weeks later I was feeling cruddy and went to the dr. Drs and nurses were crowded in my room, making me wonder if I had a weird tropical diease! lol 8 months later I had a beautiful, blonde headed, blue eyed baby boy! God has the last word!

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    1. What a beautiful and inspiring testimony, Diana!

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  2. Thank you for your inspirational testimony, Becky!! I firmly believe that God does have a plan for each of us, that plan is through His timing - we can't rush Him by jumping ahead with our own selfish endeavors. We must be willing to wait for that timing in order to receive the blessings intended from it. If I didn't know He was with me, providing strength for my trials, and had a plan for me through my trials - they would be so much harder to bear!!

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  3. Isn't it wonderful that God is always with us giving us what we need. Sometimes there are things that we don't understand, but he will always see us through. You have a beautiful family.

    mauback55 at gmail dot com

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    1. Yes, we can count on the fact that He will always see us through. Thanks, Melanie.

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  4. I've known people who've had this problem, though I didn't know secondary infertility was the name of it. I think the key to getting through a challenge like that is staying close to God and knowing He is faithful, no matter the outcome. It isn't easy, but so rewarding. Thanks for sharing your story, Becky, and the photos of your lovely family. I love your books so am grateful for a chance to win A Love Like Ours.

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    1. "I think the key to getting through a challenge like that is staying close to God and knowing He is faithful, no matter the outcome" So well said, Pam.

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  5. We're thrilled to have you here with us for the week Becky, and appreciate your beautiful and encouraging testimony of your experience with Secondary Infertility and of God's grace! I wasn't aware of the term for this or had an idea how many it affected. I can only imagine how difficult it would be though, whether it was your first or subsequent child you were trying for. It took me a year to fall with my first and that carried all the fears and tears of the possibility of infertility. After my second child, some years passed before I strongly sensed in my spirit we were to have a third child. I'd often glance at a spare chair at the dining table and 'felt' someone was missing! When we were blessed with our son, after he was born God told me clearly and with confirmation, that he was His gift to me. How special that was!! I look at my precious son nearly 20 yrs later and still see God's love every single time. His plans, His will, His love...
    Looking forward to sharing my review of your wonderful book 'A Love Like Ours' this week!! :)

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    1. I had that same sense that you describe, Noella, when you said you'd look at the spare chair and feel someone was missing. That's how I felt about our third baby before her birth. And like you, I even had a sense of that baby's gender! I so enjoyed reading the story of your family.

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  6. Becky thank you for sharing your amazing testimony with us. Oh the blessings we receive when we wait on on the Lord, even when the circumstances seem impossible, He will work everything out for our good! Can't wait to read your latest book and read my two wonderful OWG Angel's reviews of it this week! :-)

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  7. I had not heard the term Secondary Infertility before. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. Thanks for your testimony, Becky. Secondary infertility is new to me, but I certainly can understand how difficult it could be. I miscarried my first pregnancy and then we were blessed with a daughter - however, I never did get pregnant again. Needless to say, we love our daughter who is now almost 25, but we certainly would have happily shared our family with another child, but that obviously was not the Lord's plan for our family.

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  9. I had two miscarriages after our first child. Then another after our second child was born. By the fifth pregnancy, going for that early ultrasound felt like going to my execution. But God blessed us with that baby and another not long after. Our plans seldom look like God's, but they are good. I still miss those three babies. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  10. Beautiful post, Becky! Thanks for sharing with us on OWG blog! We were so blessed that we didn't have to try more than a year and reading your testimony convicted me of just how blessed we were. There was always that little boy that God promised me and who I dreamed about as a gift from God. Just always waiting wondering when might be the time. I was 43 when I got pregnant with him!

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    1. Oh, my goodness ~ same age as I was! Our youngest daughter has kept us young. So thankful for God's gift ~ her name meaning, years after her naming, "crowned one." His promises are yea and amen! II Cor 1:20 to His glory.
      Kathleen ~ Lane Hill House lanehillhouse[at]centurylink[dot]net

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  11. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony with us. You are helping other women and I thank God you are able to help.
    pam1lunsford ( at ) gmail ( dot ) com

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  12. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Sometimes it is very hard to believe in the sovereignty of God when going thru difficult times. But He is in control of our lives and knows us from beginning to end. It makes a safe place to be when we put our trust in Him. Thank you again for opening your life with your readers. I had not heard the term secondary infertility before.
    Anne Rightler
    anne at rightler dot com

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  13. Becky, thank you for sharing your valley experience. I am in the wilderness of hope deferred. Your post has given me great encouragement to keep trusting Him to bring breakthrough. You have a BEAUTIFUL family. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family.

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  14. I want to thank you for sharing your story with us! God in his most infinite wisdom knew the plans which he had for you and your family! May God continue to bless you! Thank you again for sharing your journey with us!

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  15. Thanks for sharing Becky, what a very difficult issue.

    I just got married for the first time two weeks before my 42nd birthday. Would love for the Lord to bless us with a child, but who knows at this age in life! T

    Carrie, thanks for sharing about the blessing of your son!

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  16. I would love to win one of her great books. It is great that you are going to have two giveaways.

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  17. Thank you for the chance to win a copy. And thanks for the testimony.
    lientjiehuman@yahoo.com.au

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  18. Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony with us Becky. I am sure this time is not easy to think about or talk about . I had my youngest child at 40 and I feel she is a gift God has given me every day. It took me 3 years after the child before her to get pregnant. I wanted a precious girl after having 3 boys in a row and I was blessed with my Rebekkah. You have such a beautiful family you are blessed indeed !

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  19. You were very bless to get your third child Becky, and you getting your boy. And, Carrie way before. Would love to get your book Becky. Maxie > mac262(at)me(dot)com <

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  20. a beautiful testimony of God's provision and love for us! THanks for sharing your story. Rhonda Nash-Hall
    nashhall@aol.com

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  21. Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a beautiful answer to prayer! Your daughter is precious!

    mo1202007ATyahooDOTcom

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  22. Thank you for sharing this, Becky. I once made an ignorant comment saying that if you've had one child, you knew everything was okay. Thankfully, I said it to a friend and not the person going through it.

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  23. Hi Becky,
    I want to share something with you! Thank you for being an encouragement to me. I was adopted at a very young age,I never new who my real parents are, before I was adopted my parents who I now call my parents, they could not get pregnant for the longest time because my moms tubs were frozen so my mom could not have any kids ever. So the adopted me. Then after they adopted me, my parents got pregnant. To make a long story short, my parent have 4 beautiful daughters.And her tubs are still frozen. But God gave my parents 3 beautiful daughters. I am so very thankful and blessed to be adopted into a family that loves me and wanted me,growing up I was always made fun of and told that the parents that adopted me didn't love me and never wanted me. But that is so not true I love my family that has adopted me. Thankyou for sharing your testimony. And being adopted is awesome. Lots of times I wonder what it would be like to really be with my biological parents but other times I am like I really don't want too know. I am content with were the Lord has put me.
    Thanks again for your testimony
    oh.hello.hiya@gmail.com

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