21 April 2012

Overcoming Grief With God's Help

On May 17, 2010, I got THE CALL. The call that I knew someday I would get, but pushed aside because it was too painful to think about. The call that I foolishly hoped I would never get. After all, my mom was invincible, wasn't she? But on May 17, my mom left this world to go to her eternal reward, leaving my world filled with an unbearable sense of loss, emptiness, and grief. I was now an orphan. I had no mother, no father, no one...or so it felt. I ran the whole gamut of emotions; shock, sadness, anger, fear, even guilt that maybe I had left something unsaid or undone concerning my mother. These are all normal reactions, and are a healthy part of the grieving process, but I disliked feeling this way and having these thoughts.


During this time it was so hard for me to pray, but I drew upon the strength of others. In my aloneness, I clung to every encouraging word from friends who had been there and had suffered the loss of a parent, my church family, and oh, what Godsends were Carrie Pagels and Laura Frantz, who helped to give me a diversion from my pain. Thank you all so much!


There are many causes of grief---loss of a loved one, divorce, loss of a friendship or job, and there is no right way or wrong way to cope with grief, but there are healthy ways. To deny the grief may only prolong it, so face it, and if you need to cry...cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness and can be very healing. After all, the Master gave us tear ducts for a reason! Allow yourself time to grieve. You may feel like the worse is over and then have a terrible day, which happened to me just recently. I cried about Mom's death all day, and was rather upset with myself, when I should not have been.
Rely on your friends, your family, and your faith, and if the grief leaves you feeling beyond help or hope, or suicidal over a period of time, by all means seek help from a professional Christian grief counselor or your pastor. Take care of yourself and eat right, exercise, and treat yourself to some of the things you enjoy. My respite during that dark time was sitting amongst my flowers with a copy of Laura Frantz's, Courting Morrow Little, and joining Carrie on her wonderful blog.


Remember, it WILL get better. I soon realized I was not alone for Jesus said, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5. He sent people my way to help me to not feel so desolate during this time, and gave me songs in the night hours. Scriptures and hymns would just come floating to me during the day as if on a breeze. And He kept reminding me of this scripture in Psalm 27:10, "When my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord shall take care of me." So He is my father and my mother, and I am no orphan, but a child of the King! I look forward to the day when my mother and I shall be reunited in that place where no tears shall dim the eyes, and there will be no more pain or parting ever again.

29 comments:

  1. Diana, The anniversary month is the hard one. Praying this coming month will be filled with joyous memories. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  2. Diana, This is such a precious post and I wish I had you near enough to hug tight!! I'm aware now of how frail my own mother is becoming and that I won't have her much longer. This is so encouraging to see how you handled that difficult time and how God faithfully came alongside you with His presence, friends, books, and more. You're in my thoughts and prayeres, as always, especially at this time of remembering. Love you and your godly heart.

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  3. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post Diana.
    I can only imagine how it feels to loose a mother. I hope I will have my mom around for many years to come.
    Thinking of you when next month it's the 2 yrs anniversary.
    Hugs!

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  4. Hugs, Diana. Thank you for sharing your heartache and for encouraging the rest of us who have or are suffering with grief. It's so true that you reach a point where you feel you are coping, when all of a sudden the grief returns, fresh and sharp. I think those days happen to all who have lost a loved one, but I love the scripture you shared, Psalm 27:10. How wonderful that God reminded you of it! I do have one of Laura's books, which I haven't gotten to yet, but I look forward to reading it, knowing what a blessing her writing was to you. May you be surrounded with His love and our prayers at this time of your mom's anniversary.

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  5. Thank you CARRIE and LAURA, for your thoughts and prayers, and CARRIE, praying the same joyous memories for you. Love you ladies!

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  6. Thank you, MARIAN! You are a dear. Enjoy your mom this Mother's Day!

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  7. LISA, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. And if you want to give yourself a really great Mom's Day gift, get all 3 of Laura's books. The Frontiersman's Daughter, Courting Morrow Little, and The Colonel's Lady! They are wonderful and I'm sure you will consider them a reading feast.

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  8. Diana, grief overwhelmed me when I read your post. I feel your pain and will be praying for you. This will be our first Mother's Day without my Mom. I don't even want to think about how I will get through that day. June 16th is Mom's birthday. It will be our first birthday without her. I know these will be very difficult times for me. Thank you for your post. Reading your words are comforting.

    Blessings my friend!
    Judy

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  9. JUDY, I am so sorry and will be praying for you. My mom's birthday is July 12th so that will be another hard one. I am believing that God will give us supernatural strength as only He can! Bless you and thank you for your encouraging words, now and always.

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  10. Diana, thank you, your prayers will be much appreciated as well as I will be praying for you. This is the year of firsts without Mom. The Holidays will be extremely difficult. God will see us through!

    Your Mom and I almost shared the same birthdate. Mine is July 13th.

    Blessings!

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  11. Diana - My mom went to heaven on April 10th and her memorial service is tomorrow. I appreciate what you said about crying. Once everything is done tomorrow, I plan on crying.

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  12. Well, that just shows me that some wonderful people were born in July! Hubs b'day is July 17th.

    It is so hard, Judy, but yes, He will indeed see us through. Last year the week b4 Mother's Day was horrible, and I was ok on Mother's Day. Strange, I guess I got everything out that I needed to the week before.

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  13. JUDY, that first Mother's Day is so hard. This year I had the realization that I am the mom. I am the senior mom. It is weird thinking of it more about myself than my own mom. I want to be the godly woman she was. I want to honor her memory.

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  14. SHARON, praying for you during this difficult time. Hang in there and let God pour His peace over you.

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  15. SHARON, I am so sorry for your loss, honey. And don't feel bad for crying and grieving, even if it takes awhile. I still cry and it has been almost 2 years. The tears aren't as often, though, and they now catch me quite unaware some days. Praying for you, SHARON.

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  17. CARRIE, you are a good Mom and a Godly woman, and a fine example to all. I'm sure your mother would be very proud of you!

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  18. Judy, I can hear your sorrow in your words and I am so sorry. I pray that Jesus wraps you in his arms and gives you the strength and peace you need to make it through the holidays. That prayer goes for all you wonderful ladies who are facing Mother's Day w/o your beloved mom.

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  19. Sharon, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I will think of you today and pray for your peace and strength as you face the memorial service and the days ahead.

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  20. Carrie, how could your mother not be proud! You do so much for God and others and have one of the biggest hearts of any Christian. I know she must be watching you with a big smile on her face.

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  21. Thank you for sharing your heart, Diana. {{{ hugs & prayers }}} I'm glad you shared what you did about no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy ways. So important!
    I was reading Courting Morrow Little, too, when my step-dad was dying and my Mom was reading The Frontiersman's Daughter. Inspirational novels can be a good way to relax a little and also release some emotions. I was writing my debut novel when he died and it will always be special to me for that reason.

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  22. CARLA, I am so sorry for your loss. Writing, reading, and doing something we enjoy, can give us great respite, as long as we give ourselves the permission to grieve when we need to.

    Laura's books are among the best that I know of to take the reader away from it all for awhile. Thank you for sharing with us, Carla.

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  23. Thank you Diana for sharing this with us. I am so glad I still have my Mom, even though it's hard to see her getting older and not being able to take care of herself. I know how much it hurt to lose my Dad so I don't want to think about losing Mom.

    Diana you have a lot of friends that love you (especially me) and will be praying for you in the coming few weeks. :)

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  24. I love you, too, my sweety friend! The Lord helped me through that first nightmarish year, and I know with everyone's prayers and His faithfulness, He will do it again!

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  25. DIANA and LISA, bless you for your kind words. You are both so sweet!

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  26. OUR WINNER is - DEB MARVIN! Congrats to Deb, who chose a Kindle copy of Lisa's book! Thank you to all who have visited with us this week!

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  27. CONGRATS, DEB---weren't you the one that said you HAD to read this book? Well, random.org must love desperation! lol! Enjoy!

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  28. Congratulations, Deb! Thanks again to Carrie, Diana, Teresa and Marian for your reviews and support. I appreciate you all! And thanks to everyone who stopped by last week to comment. I loved the sharing and fellowship. Blessings!

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  29. Diana, this is such a sweet testimony to God's healing our broken hearts! My mom passed away 10 yrs ago but over time God did a healing work in my heart. I still miss my mom, and yes, I still shed tears on occasion but I have joy in my heart knowing that one day HE will wipe all my tears away! Thank you so much for sharing!

    (I don't know how I missed this post when you first made it!)

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